Rules For Life

Don’t trust people who write
(or speak) elegant love-letters.
They are more than likely
psychopaths. Real people are incoherent.
This may even be true for poets.

Restaurants that serve tea should have milk
to put in it; not cream, and definitely not
artificial creamer, but milk. From a cow.

A woman should not spend any more
money or time on attire for a ritual
than her male partner, and vice versa.
Partners of the same gender, on the other hand,
should be encouraged to sartorially vie with
and attempt to outdo each other,
for the edification of passers-by
and in order that fashion designers
may not perish from the earth.

A rule to combine eugenics
with population control;
never sleep with anyone
dumber than you are.

Remember where you put the keys.

Write down all the ATM withdrawals
right away; and while we’re on this subject,
all ATM machines should make you
take your card back before
they give you the money.

My personal specialty is leaving
my purse in out-of-state McDonalds®.

©1997 F.J. Bergmann

"Rules for Life" appeared online in Prose Toad.

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